Author Archive
STD’s and Seniors (over 55)Dating
Posted by: | CommentsApril was Sexually Transmitted Disease and Infection (STD/STI’s) month. In the Dear Abby column of the AZ Republic there was a letter from Dr. Edward Salko, DO stating that the younger daters have been paying attention to the sex education they have received and are more likely to to use protection. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that the fastest growing group of people contracting and spreading STD/STI’s are Senior Citizens! Some fault medications for erectile dysfunction, midlife divorces or death of spouse, and online dating sites. The biggest factor is lack of education! When the Seniors were growing up (in the 30-60′s) they only had to worry about the two major STD’s; syphilis and gonorrhea, which were curable by antibiotics. Today there is a more serious and life threatening form AIDS or becoming HIV+. Also, when they were younger, the “worst” thing that could happen if you had unprotected sex was getting pregnant. Now, because many women are past menopause, that risk is gone, so they don’t use condoms, and the STD/STI’S ARE RAGING ON.
Many Seniors especially women won’t talk to their doctors about their sexual activity, and many doctors don’t bring it up because they feel uncomfortable ( who wants to ask someone their mothers or grandmothers about their sex life ) or mistakenly assume we older people don’t engage in or enjoy sexual activity. Dr. Edward Salko, D.O. urged older readers to get tested. Please Seniors don’t be offended if asked by your “love interest” to get an HIV test !
Dear Abby’s response was that if you are sexually active – no matter your age- for your own sake as well as your partners, USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME unless you and your partner have been tested for STD/STI’S) and know for certain that neither of you has been infected. Not everyone who has an STD/STI is aware of it and some just don’t care! You can’t tell by looking at someone whether that person is infected.
One of the National major Senior organizations reported in 2005 that one of the West Valley’s communities had the highest incidence per capita of HIV+ women in the country. These women were and are naive in their sexual activity. They are uncomfortable insisting that their partners use a condom. Perhaps they don’t know how to broach the subject or they don’t want to insult their dates, or don’t think it can happen to them. The truth is that as when they were younger it only took ONCE to get pregnant and the same goes for getting AIDS the most deadly form of STD.
Not to put all the blame on the women, men should also take the initiative and insist on using a condom, after all it takes two to tango. I have heard all the reasons why men don’t like using them but let’s face it is it worth your life to get a little more sensation?
On a lighter note there is a new TV series called “Senior Daze” shot in the West Valley of Maricopa County at over 55+ communities chronicling the adventures of lively fun Seniors. Let’s that they address the issue of SAFE SEX in one of their episodes. (FYI you can find previous episodes on Cox On Demand- new ones on channel 180).
Don’t forget to read previous articles at wwwe.tinyurl.com/PhxSandy
Top 45 Questions to Ask a Date
Posted by: | CommentsWhether you are just starting to Date or re-entering the Dating scene after a divorce or loss of spouse “What do you talk about?” is often a challenge. You meet a potential date online or at a social venue how do you get the conversation going? Impressions are made within 30 – 60 seconds, you only have a few minutes to see if there is chemistry between you and your date, you want to ask the right questions to see if there is compatibility. What do you talk about to make the most of your conversation?
Below is a list of suggested questions to you can ask, they can range from silly to serious: You don’t have to ask them all on the 1st Date (some might scare them off!), some are more in depth and can wait until the 2nd or 3rd Date. Read over them until you are familiar with them so they don’t sound forced or contrived.
1.What do you do for work?
It is an introductory question. It may reveal the professional status of a person but little about his personality. So move on to another question.
2.Where are you from? This reveals background. It throws better light on the person.
3.What is the one thing about yourself that you would like me to know?
More insight into personality.
4.When was your last relationship and how long did it last? A probing question that will open up the communication.
5.What are you looking for in a relationship? You can both instantly compare whether you match in this area.
6.What do you think is the most important value in a relationship?
7.Do you want to marry or have you ever been married? This is important, as it will reveal if both are moving in the same direction – towards or away from marriage.
8.What do you look for in a husband/wife? Try to elicit an honest answer.
9.Do you want/do you have any children? An important question if you are looking for a long-term relationship and your partner is not.
10.What do you do for fun? This will throw light on whether your leisure activities match. Are you a bookworm and she an outdoorsy person?
11.What are you most proud about? This reveals the basic values of the person, whether he/she values money or adventure/intellectual pursuits.
12.Is religion important to you? 24×7 living together means understanding on certain basic issues like religious beliefs.
13.Do you follow politics? Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
You can spar on your political affiliations.
14.Do you believe in love at first sight? You can decide whether he/she is a romantic person or not.
15.What is your most treasured possession and why? What a person is sentimental about reveals a great deal about his personality. Is it his bike or a locket presented by a sister?
16.What is your favorite month of the year and why? Does he like to sweat it out in summer activities or curl up like a cat in winter?
17.Which is your favorite book/movie? Both of you can discuss why you like a book or a movie – throws further in sight into personality.
18.Which is the last book you read? A conversation starter.
19.Which is the one job in the world that you would love to do?
Throws light on likes and dislikes.
20.Which is your favorite music and your favorite singer/band?
Do you share musical tastes?
21.Do you like animals/keep pets? Are you going to clash on this issue – one an animal hater, the other a pet lover?
22.How do you spend your spare time? This is important, as it will really help if both love to do the same things in spare time.
23.Where do you see yourself in five years time? Watch out if he has no definite goals for the future and is in a rut. A positive mark for her if she has her life and career planned out positively.
24.If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
Silly, amusing question to get the laughs.
25.Do you believe a cup is half empty or half full? Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
26.If you could travel back through time, what single mistake would you correct in life. What are the deepest regrets of a person?
27.You have got six months to live, what will you do first?
Insight into personality.
28.Is sexual compatibility important to you? Do opinions match?
29.Who was your hero, as a child? Insight into personality.
30.If you won a lottery, how would you spend your millions?
Amusing question just for laughs.
31.Which was the first crush you ever had? Reminiscing sentiments.
32.What makes you laugh/cry? Really important and throws light on personality.
33.If you have friends coming over, what would you cook?
34.Describe your perfect holiday. One thinks frozen Alaska, the other sunny Australia.
35.Which T.V. program would you never miss? Do your tastes match?
36.What is the last CD you bought?
37.Are you a morning person or a night person? Will you ever spend common time?
38.Would you like to climb a mountain or trek across a desert?
Will you ever agree on holidays?
39.What adjective would a close friend use to describe you?
Friendly or idiotic.
40.If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
41.Into which personality�s shoes would you like to step for a day?
Says a lot about your taste.
42.Who is you favorite actor/actress/celebrity and why?
43.Who is your favorite sportsperson?
44.What is your favorite sporting activity?
45.Which is your favorite genre of movies – comedy/thriller/action?
Thank you to the guys at SpeedDating.com for sharing their questions. Remember these questions are suggestions, feel free to change them to suit your interests and personality. Most of all – take the time to LISTEN to the replies and ANSWER their questions. If any REPLIES send up RED FLAGS or the hair on the back of your neck stands up TRUST your instinct. Employers do pre-employment background checks, why shouldn’t you check out your Date? (http:www.CheckOutADate.com) LADIES make sure you meet that 1st Date at a public place, don’t have him pick you up at your home! You wouldn’t invite a door-to-door salesman into your home would you? Men don’t be offended the ladies are just being cautious, there are a few weirdo’s out there.
I am thinking of turning these questions into a pocket size game like Trivial Pursuit for Dating. Would love your comments.
Women’s Dating Resolutions for the New Year
Posted by: | CommentsDid you make resolutions for the New Year? Most of us make resolutions to change things in our lives; lose weight, stop smoking, get more exercise, be kinder, or be a better parent. Sometimes they are so big that we soon give them up. The first month of the year is over, how are you doing on your resolutions? How motivated are you in what you want to accomplish? Have you ever thought about Dating Resolutions?
Recently, “It’s Just Lunch” had an article on their blog www.itsjustlunchblog.com about Dating Resolutions for women and men. This is a “premier Dating Service for busy professionals” that arranges meetings usually over lunch between single professionals. Evan Marc Katz, author of “Why You’re Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You I You Promised Not To Get Mad” came up with 10 Dating Resolutions for Women. ( I have added to it)
1. Make an effort – get out there, nothing happens in a vacuum.
2. Don’t take things personally-not every man is going to be your soul mate. As the saying goes you have to “kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince”, while dating you can define the qualities you are looking for.
3. Do nothing-once you have met him, it’s his job to follow up. I know it’s hard but guys still like to feel like they are in charge. If a guys really cares he will let you know!
4.Stay open- don’t limit yourself by too specific “wants” like profession, location, amount of hair, weight, height (height is one of my “biggies” I am not comfortable with guys shorter than me). You never know he maybe a diamond in the rough and you know we love diamonds!
5.Be positive-no one wants to be around a negative person. This is a deal killer for me, I can tell on the first phone call whether I want to date a guy by how he talks about himself, family or life. Don’t bring up all the things that went wrong in your last relationship or life.
6.Don’t try to change men-they not made of play dough or clay although some may act like it. You can’t change the way they grew up, some habits may be able to be changed, weight loss, physical activity, learn sports or dancing. If you try or expect them to change you will both be unhappy. Would you want some guy to try and change you?
7.Change your focus- look for qualities you would look for in a friend not just as a lover. No matter how good a lover he is if he doesn’t have good vertical qualities and doesn’t treat you the way deserve he‘s not right for you.
8.Be humble- when you are mentally critiquing your date he might be doing the same to you.
9.Forgive the ignorance-guys just want you to like them but often don’t know how to go about it. One of the things I look for is whether in the first conversation is if they ask questions of about me. Sometimes they just talk on and on in answer to my questions but don’t seem like they want to know me (a future post I will give you a list of questions). When a couple of guys meet they always seem to find a common ground and have something to talk about but when they are talking to a women they can get tongue tied.
10.Give yourself a break-dating can be difficult so just look at it as adventure, the chance to meet someone new not necessarily your soul mate. Most of all have fun!
Hopefully, this will give you some food for thought about how you want to pursue Dating in this New Year. Let me know if you come up with other Dating Resolutions to share.
Check out posting for Top 10 Resolutions for Men by Andrea Syrtash, author and host of “On Dating”.
Men’s Dating Resolutions for the New Year
Posted by: | CommentsDid you make resolutions for the New Year? Most of us make resolutions to change our lives for the better like lose weight, stop smoking, get more exercise, be kinder, or be a better parent. Sometimes they are so big that we soon give them up. January is over how are you doing on your resolutions? How motivated are you in what you want to accomplish? Have you ever thought about Dating Resolutions?
Recently, “It’s Just Lunch” had an article on their blog www.itsjustlunchblog.com about Dating Resolutions for women and men. This is a “premier Dating Service for busy professionals” that arranges meetings usually over lunch between single professionals. This article for men was by Andrea Syrtash, dating expert, life coach, author and host of “On Dating” produced by NBC Digital Studios. Her third book “He’s Just Not Your Type (and that’s a good thing) “ will be published by Rodale in April 2010.
Andrea’s top 10 Dating Resolutions for men: ( I have added to it)
1.Date the person not the potential-you are more likely to find success in love if you are realistic about how she is right now. She can develop new interests but if she really is not interested in something you are or to the same degree (like sports or motorcycles) it is probably not going to change no matter how good you make her feel. To be fair some women have been known to exaggerate their interest to appear more desirable. Shame on us…you wouldn’t see a man getting all excited about sewing or shopping just to score points with us.
2.Listen to your date’s words, but put credence in her actions –if she tells you how important you are to her but can’t find time for you, take the hint she may not be ready to commit.
3.Take Risks-step outside your comfort zone and try something new. If you keep going to the same places or doing the same things ( you tend to get the same results) but not finding the kind of women you want then you need to look elsewhere.
4.Be Open-you cannot find true intimacy without vulnerability. Protecting yourself from being hurt does not allow you to making a real connection. This is very common after a big break up just remember women have gone through similar experiences.
5.Be Resilient-not every date is going to be successful. The dating is a way to refine the criteria for the person you will fall in love with. There is no need to expect every date to be a home run unless you are really shallow and only looking to score sliding into home base horizontally.
6.Be Present –sometimes we can be so concerned about whether someone is a good match we ignore how we really feel about them. (I think women do this more than men.)
7.Be Positive –no one likes negativity, we all come into dating with past experiences. The trick is not to bring them into new relationships (one of the deal breakers when I first talk to someone is how negative they are- if all they do is grouch about life I don’t even want to go out with them).
8.Get Over an EX Who is Haunting You –do you find yourself comparing women you meet to the woman who broke your heart? Get it out of your system by writing about it, talk to a counselor or test a friend’s patience to find closure. Then leave it at the door as you head out for your date, it is over and done with so don’t bring it to a potentially rockin’ relationship.
9.Sweat the Small Stuff –Never underestimate the little things you do for your lady. It is the small everyday things that mean so much; listening, being thoughtful, a card for no reason, picking up your stuff, helping with dinner, asking if she needs help will mean as much if not more than a dozen roses that only last a little while.
10.Have Fun -make a resolution to have fun in your dating pursuits! Dating is a great opportunity to meet new people, step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Dating can be an adventure so ENJOY!
Hopefully, this will give you some food for thought about how you want to pursue Dating in this New Year. Let me know if you come up with other Dating Resolutions to share.
Check out posting for Top 10 Resolutions for Women by Evan Marc Katz, Author of “Why You’re Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not To Get Made”
Amazon Women video
Posted by: | CommentsI met a nice guy named Lee last Sunday at a ValleyMovieGroup.com event. I told him about my company, that I did background checks for singles. He told me about this video and then sent me the link. Not sure when the movie was made but it was a few years ago- they must have thought background checks were a good idea even then.
Photos for Internet Dating Websites
Posted by: | CommentsWhen you meet someone in person there can be an instant chemistry, you feel an admiring glance, you make eye contact, you flirt a little to be noticed. Internet dating is different in that you need to make a great first impression by your photo and your written profile. There are many reasons why people go to Internet dating sites: shyness, new to their community, or they don’t like to hang out in bars but they still want to meet interesting people to date. All of the sites have a page that has your picture and profile as well as interests, then they try to match you up with others with similar interests or goals.
If you are not sure what kind of pictures to use or what to write consult an expert like Joann Cohen, a genuine Dating Consultant Coach in the Phoenix area http://www.joanncohen.com helps single professionals create genuine and individualized dating plans that really work. One of the ways to meet someone fantastic is through Internet online dating. Online Dating Examiner E. Foley’s company, Online Dating Profiler, provides online dating profile writing and coaching services to clients around the world. She can help you with advice on writing interesting profile for your Internet online dating page.
Two of the keys to success in Internet online dating are good photos and a great profile. The quality of your online responses will increase when you are portrayed in the most flattering way. Joann has some easy and quick tips for great Internet photos.
Make sure you have current photos on your site. Many Internet daters are uncomfortable responding to profiles without photos. Research has shown that women are 8.5 times more likely to look at male’s profile with a photo and men are 14 times more likely to respond to a woman’s profile. (No surprise- men are more visual!) Why miss out having the right person find you? I personally do not respond to a man’s profile that does not include a picture. There is no reason not to be able to include at least one picture! If they don’t, I assume they have something to hide- like being married!) Your first photo should be a head shot. This is from the chest or shoulders up with you looking into the camera and smiling (see mine). Please have a professional photo done- don’t use a photo a friend took or one shot in the bathroom mirror (we can tell).
Your photos should be just you – not in groups of friends, it is hard to pick you out.. You should not post pictures of others without their permission unless you hide their faces and that can be distracting. After all, your photo should be all about You. Guys, we really don’t care what your motorcycle looks like, when you try to take a picture of you and the bike, your head becomes so small we can’t tell what you look like.
Include 3-4 photos with at least 1 full body shot. Let’s be honest and fair so your potential date gets the whole picture of what you look like. Your date is going to see the ”real you” eventually so why not be upfront about your proportions. Want to look skinnier? Wear a solid color or thin stripes only, especially for full body photos, as it makes your body look slimmer. Busy patterns can be distracting and the viewer should be looking at you not what you are wearing. The exception is me I look great in turquoise and the print is small.
They say a picture is better than a thousand words, unfortunately, there are those who look first and may or may not get to know you later. I am not saying that is superficial (we are all guilty of it) but some people determine who they want to get to know by how the other person looks. Did anyone watch the recent TV show “Dating in the Dark”? What did you think of it? For those who didn’t it was a show where 3 guys and 3 gals met in a totally dark room for their first 3 dates and got to know each other without seeing what they looked like. They got acquainted by talking and not concentrating on “looks”. Interesting premise don’t you think?
Holidate
Posted by: | CommentsDATING RED FLAGS
Posted by: | Comments1. Are you getting strange vibes about your “love interest”? Trust your instinct !
2. Do they ANSWER your questions? Do they change the subject or ignore them?
3. Do they tell stories differently each time?
4. Do they give you their home phone number or only a cell, business number or just an email address?
5. What is their marital status? Are they in a committed relationship?
6. Do they have children? Are they a part of their lives? If not why? Are they current in their child support?
7. Do they have a criminal record? Do they have DUI’s? Are they a child molester or sex offender?
8. Do they always seem short of money or forget their wallet and ask to borrow money (just for a little while)? Ask you to co-sign ? Filed bankruptcy? If so what type?
9. Have you seen signs of short temper, anger outbursts or violence?
All of the above are RED FLAGS and the warning bells should be sounding loud and clear. A background check can confirm their identity, integrity and financial stability.
Background Checks Keep you from Meeting “The Felon”
Posted by: | CommentsTo play it safe when dating strangers it is best to do a little homework first and find out as much as you can about the person you are about to meet. A background check keeps you from becoming a victim of foul play.
As a recently divorced woman in 2005, I moved to a new city and state where I only knew one person, I had no contacts for making new friends. In previous generations couples met mostly through family and friends in their neighborhoods or communities (where everyone knew each other), or at college. Usually someone knew all about who your latest heart throb was unless they were new in town.
